Featured Blogger of the Week: Oct. 18-22, Post #1

Featured Blogger of the Week: Oct. 18-22
Heidi, The D-Log Cabin
Post #1

Scars

“Doesn’t it hurt?”

A friend, a coworker, a family member…all asking what they perceive to be such an innocent, simple question. They refer, of course, to the outward rituals surround my disease: lancing a finger for the gluco meter, stabbing my flesh with what must look like the world’s largest needle, the thwwwack of the CGM insertion device against bare skin. It’s a morbid mix of fascination combined with admiration for managing such a difficult disease. (little do they know, diabetes is not fully “manageable”, but still, I give it my best shot)

“No,” I reply. Because truth is, it stopped hurting in that way long ago…round about the thousandth fingerprick, the 4^th infusion set gusher, the 8^th I.V. I am a hardened veteran of the diabetes wars, and most of the time, it feels like most natural thing in the world to do the medical tasks associated with the disease. Physical pain fades,it ceases to be a novel event. It is my normal.

“It really doesn’t.”

But if I were to be perfectly honest, on the inside, it never stops hurting. I hurt for everyone who died too young(from the complications of this disease), who never got the chance to be a doctor or a lawyer or a ballerina. I hurt for the thousands in Third World countries who can’t even afford insulin,& even if they can acquire it, have to ration it in such a manner as to eventually die from complications. I hurt for the many who don’t get understand that going on insulin is not a failure, insulin is life. I hurt for every parent of a child with diabetes, who was told there would be a cure in five years. I hurt that so much false information is out there, and even someone with the best of intentions may be led astray by snake oil salesmen. I hurt for everyone, everywhere, who has been affected by this disease.

And because I am human, I hurt for myself. I hurt for the worry & fear I must cause my loved ones, on a daily basis. I hurt that severe hypoglycemia is an ever-present threat. I hurt for a thousand sleepless nights, dealing with an errant blood sugar. I hurt with guilt. (some deserved, some not)

The scars of diabetes run deep, on both the inside and the outside. People who do not live with diabetes cannot grasp the magnitude of the inner scars…& though physical complications of diabetes grab “center stage”, it is the psychological ones that leave the biggest impact.

My hope is that one day, there will be a cure & both the physical and emotional scars can start to heal.

To read more blog posts by Heidi, visit The D-Log Cabin blog